Depression is a quiet killer. It is not like a virus that attack immediately and by doing so makes itself known. Depression settles in our minds and makes itself comfortable over time. It is often so gradual that we do not notice, like a sunny day that succumbs to gathering clouds, unnoticed until we are surprised by thunder and lightning. I experienced this first hand. For me it started with an unshakable feeling that all my days were similar and without meaning, and that I am inconsequential and unable to change this fact. It slowly progressed to the point that I lost interest in everything, and caught myself at times just staring into space, empty headed. During this time my family experienced the loss of two grandchildren and other misfortune on top of it all. I tried booze, but it made it worse. I scared myself when one day I could not see what is the point of living. After this I talked to a professional and with medication I can see the sun again. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it is an act of bravery. If you feel you are drowning you must ask for help! Depression does not heal by itself. This poem tries to convey some of the things I felt.

I am under water and out of breath,
to all words of care I am completely deaf.
I fight to the surface with all my might,
kicking and clawing back to the light.

If you reach to save me I’m afraid
I might drag you down to meet my fate.
I’m drowning in despair and absolute terror
thinking my existence might be an error.

Strong arms and hands grab hold of me,
and pull and push to set me free;
free from the devil in my head that’s me
and help me to the surface so I can see!

I see!
Those that still love me!
I hear!
Your loving voice my dear!
I feel!
The need they have for me to heal.
I weep!
The toll on my loved ones is so steep.

As I sit shivering among my saviours to dry
I look at the faces that surround me and try,
try to fight this feeling that it’s best if I just die
knowing they will say that feeling is a lie.

Again the love and care of others; 
friends, kids, bothers, sisters and mothers,
pulled me away from the brink,
from the very threshold of death.
This cannot continue forever I confess
It’s time to get help 
I think.