Once the devil had a slow day.

The fires of hell were burning well, chained souls shoveling coal and nuclear waste to maintain its fires.

All the demons and politicians in training occupied and focused on tormenting the souls in their care.

The devil looked at his domain and felt fine. He walked the rows of fresh souls, chained neck to neck, being assigned their respective places in hell.

Getting to your proper place in hell is quite the ordeal. It takes lots of administration and much waiting in line. Beautiful bureaucracy, conceived in hell and perfected on earth using the DMV.

The Department of Motor Vehicles is one of the best ways to torment people who are still alive, often making them wish for death.

Ironically, the list of earthly torments includes loud exhausts on motor vehicles, tailgating, led headlights, traffic and one of the devil’s absolute favorites, airport security! What an ally to hell transportation is! Not only does it drive souls insane, but it also facilitates the death of many, bringing them here post haste!

People need transportation to and from work. More ways to make souls miserable in life is required. Personal property taxes and marriage are just not enough!

A general council meeting is called. The task at hand is to invent another process or decree that can be used on earth to make life hell!

The meeting chamber fills up quickly. The custodians of hell are always eager to find new ways to guide souls to sin.

Many ideas are floated, discussed, and ultimately argued until dismissal.

Centuries pass. Small wars are fought amongst factions in the chamber, despair taking root. Many demons wish for death themselves just to get out of this shit!

The council will not be allowed to end until something is decided! This is hell, after all!

When the mood was darkest in the chamber, and the devil himself became weary, a junior demon tentatively raised one of its claws.

The chamber fell silent, partly due to exhaustion and hope for an end to this fucking meeting. This also proved that the saying ‘there is no hope in hell’ is utter bullshit. There is always hope!

‘Speak,’ the devil recognised the terrified demon.

‘Your dishonourable lowliness, ’ the demon starts, ‘I believe you have found the answer!’

This young demon is a shrewd one, knowing who to kiss up to.

The devil leans closer, ‘What is the solution I found?’

‘To torment souls to the extent that they feel themselves to be in hell, all hope lost, trapped forever, all we need to do is give them this!’ the young demon gestures to the assembly using four of its seven arms.

‘Let’s give them meetings!’ he roars as the chamber erupts in approval, the devil himself grinning in pleasure.

And so it was that meetings came about. A soul-sucking invention from hell, unleashed on earth to give us a taste of total despair.

Remember this every time you schedule a meeting, you fucking devil spawn!