Mothership orbited on the far side of the moon.  Contrary to popular belief, the far side of the moon is not dark, it gets plenty of light.  Mothership basked in this sunlight, energizing her massive energy stores through her extended solar panels while observing earth.

She studies the radio waves emanating from this noisy little blue planet.  Earth was accidentally discovered during a ship wide emergency drill with all systems temporarily down.  During this quiet period the radio waves from earth was detected.  For such a backwater planet it made a lot of noise!  From the images and sounds eventually extrapolated from these waves, it was discovered that earth was rich in life, water and other resources !  

Glorious!  Such planets are so hard to find in this universe. This particular planet has many life forms.  Mothership sent probes and gathered information on the various life forms on earth. 

Some large, others small, some with thick pelts and tough hides.  Some living in water, under ground and in various climates.  Bipedal life forms, calling themselves humans, with no natural protection against the elements, taking the pelts and the hides from those that do, to wear as their own. These humans living in boxes of various designs, sometimes stacked high in large clusters.  Using mobile boxes to get around in. Naturally they need to be investigated, studied and vetted to determine if they can be welcomed into the galactic confederation.

 Since there are five times more chickens on earth than humans, and chickens are always near humans, this was the life form chosen for the first visitor.  First officer Throm was chosen to be the first explorer, in chicken form.

Throm’s visit to earth was very brief.  After being beamed to earth, causing temporary commotion in a chicken house as he occupied a sleeping hen, he spent the night in the chicken house, and then had one brief but beautiful morning inspecting his surroundings, before he was chosen for that nights dinner.

When Throm’s chicken head got separated from his chicken body, the failsafe mechanism that is part of every soldiers consciousness triggered a message to Mothership.  Sending all his experience and knowledge gained as a chicken back to the her.  Mothership absorbed the message and puzzled over it for a full nanosecond before understanding its meaning.

‘They killed Throm’ she surmised, signaling this knowledge to all her occupants.  ‘We must choose a better host for the next visitor.’  There was also something else embedded in Throm’s message, some unsettling piece of information that just remained out of focus, unknowable for now.

More analysis and study of the noise ceaselessly emanating from earth yielded another host.  A larger being that numbers equally with humans.  A pig.

Ghrem was chosen as the second visitor.  A soldier that fought and survived many battles in many wars across the galaxy.  After carefully selecting a pig farm based on size, because bigger is always better, a universal fallacy, Ghrem was expertly beamed directly into an eight month old boar weighing 330 pounds.

Within hours Ghrem was herded with a large number of other hogs through a maze of paths and gates into a large building.  Being a good soldier Ghrem was gathering intelligence about the installation, and was temporarily stunned when he actually got stunned with an electrical charge before the chest stick entered his pig body, expertly severing a vital blood vessel, causing him to bleed out.  The failsafe kicked in and another message headed to the moon.

Mothership was dismayed to learn of Ghrem’s demise.  Ghrem was also killed!  The same unidentifiable data was again present, this time a little more in focus, causing a troubled Mothership to accidentally flash a ship wide signal that opened the trash ports and ejected the useless matter that is considered trash.  This was unintentional and unscheduled resulting in the death of a number of her occupants.  That out of focus information is really troublesome.

Mothership considers the two shipmates that died on the noisy little planet.  She mourns for two seconds for the lost crew ejected with the trash.  She figures this time they must pick something really large so it has a better chance of surviving, at least long enough to gather enough information to prepare a proper report of the human’s eligibility for inclusion into the galactic empire.

Three seconds of analysis yields a choice.  A cow!  Zoëk, a female soldier is drafted for the mission and beamed into a beautiful black angus cow in a Nebraskan pasture.  No more coups or buildings!  Those now seem like traps.

For three days Zoëk wanders the pasture with other cows, eating grass, just to be able to eat it again later!  On the fourth day, a few large vehicles shows up, and humans with horses herd Zoëk with the other cows into these vehicles.  Zoëk, being a good soldier records all she sees for later analysis.  

After some time the vehicles stop, and the cattle is offloaded and herded towards a large building.  This alarms Zoëk, big buildings are known to be fatal to her kind, and she attempts to run away from it.  The cow wranglers present are pros, and before she knew it Zoëk was in a metal channel amongst the other cows, herded to be slaughtered!

Mothership becomes frustrated for a couple of nano seconds when the third failsafe message shows up.  This time the underlying data is crystal clear!  Zoëk was terrified.  She observed the many cows in front of here being separated into other metal channels, then a human touched their head with some devise, causing the animals to collapse.  Other men then hook the bodies to a chain that drags and lifts it away deeper into this building of horrors where they were gutted , skinned and cut up.  All of this about to happen to Zoëk with no way to escape or defend herself, the powerful body of the cow Zoëk occupies contained in the metal channel.  ‘I am about to be food!’ was the last thought in Zoëk’s cow brain before the pneumatic gun slams into it ending the cow’s life and triggering the failsafe.

Mothership considers the three failed missions, the celebrated lives of the three visitors forfeited.  The accidental death of the sanitation workers.  She considers the fact that these humans have devised ways to eat everything on their planet.  Their appetites so ferocious that they breed various species in captivity for the soul purpose of consuming their meat, enabling these humans to make more humans to just scale up the whole effort.

Mothership concludes that this noisy little planet is doomed.  These humans will consume all it has to offer, then probably turn on themselves.

She composes a message for the other roaming Motherships to stay away and sends it with high priority.  Explaining that this little planet is occupied by a parasitic species that should be avoided at all cost.  

She marks the solar system in the shared galactic database as ‘Avoid at all cost’, submits a detailed report to the galactic administration, retracts her solar panels and signal the crew to ready for departure, away from all this noise!

This is why we have not yet encountered other intelligent life to date.  The rest of the galaxy is afraid that we will eat them!