Happiness is a state of mind, a prevailing feeling that all is well, and a foundation for mindfulness.

Everybody I know wants to be happy.

We are born with instinctive needs. The need for food, shelter, and companionship is innate because it is essential for the body’s survival.

Our minds are something else altogether! Our indoctrination regarding happiness starts early in life. The world tells our parents what they need to be happy, and what they need to give their children so they too are happy.

Unfortunately, these efforts have a singular focus: the need to sell us something. The desire to sell us more than we need is also driven by the seller’s desire to be happy. In commerce, happiness is for sale! Money and the desire for money are the paths to joy that many choose.

There is no lasting happiness in material things. Pursuing happiness through acquiring money, power, and things only gives us a taste of joy. It does not last; soon, the money is gone, or there is a newer, shinier model of the object of our happiness, and we are no longer satisfied.

There is no lasting happiness in relationships with others. Just like new toys, new relationships are initially exciting and fun. There is no satisfaction in fun! Fun is fleeting and temporary. Eventually, the newness wears off, and our lack of true happiness highlights everything wrong with our partners or friends. We eventually suffer dissatisfaction and disappointment, so we look elsewhere.

The Buddha taught that happiness is not the absence of suffering. Suffering is life. To be alive means to suffer. Life is not peaceful, but one can be happy even when suffering.

Most people constantly look for happiness outside themselves in the wrong places. They strive to reduce or eliminate suffering, and conflict is inevitable. This is even true for organizations and countries.

I suspect happiness is a choice. A conscious effort to be the best version of yourself, no matter where or with whom you find yourself.

Happiness does not manifest fully formed; it has to be fostered, nurtured, and cared for, just like you care for an infant. This allows it to grow and fill all the hollow places in our souls. It requires constant attention and effort—attention and effort on ourselves! The only relationship that will bring you happiness is your relationship with yourself. Do not trust the voice in your head! It is not you, but the voice of the needs of others!

Every one of us is responsible for themselves. Our happiness, or lack thereof, is not determined by our environment, station, or relationships. We are the sole providers of our joy.

Something that works for me is to be myself at all times. Right or wrong, I show up as myself. I do not live for the approval or applause of others; I live for myself as myself.

I also know that I know little to nothing about most things and that I am a work in progress. I strive to adjust, adapt, and never stop learning—some of the time!

Sometimes I regress and want to make others see and feel what I feel, so my ‘happiness’ can grow. This is not a need for happiness, but a need for validation! When most people live this way, the net result is stress, conflict, and extreme unhappiness.

There is no single path to bliss. It is different for all of us. For me, now, at this stage of my life, it is the following:

I refuse to pick a side politically, spiritually, and intellectually. I refuse to be defined by one issue or concept. When I do that, I immediately limit my world! I do not know right or wrong, but I don’t care. I am me, and that is the only thing I can be. I open my mind to others, enabling my experience to grow. Wisdom is borne from experience. This has to be my wisdom, borne from my understanding. It cannot be other people’s thoughts or desires. Adjusting yourself to make others happy is inauthentic and self-destructive. I adjust myself for myself, my peace, my contentment, and ultimately my happiness.

Happiness starts with me. I chose it. It can be shared only after I have installed, cared for, and nurtured it.

I accepted responsibility for my happiness.