Jane’s done. Done living. Done caring. Jane’s tired! Tired of the sameness of every day. Tired of being stuck. Tired of feeling hopeless. So deeply exhausted that getting up in the morning is just too much to ask.

Jane is a 29 years old college graduate. Tons of student loan debt bought her an arts degree nobody cares about. It did not unlock a career as promised. Instead it gave her a loan that financed 4 years of her life, and now owns her for the next 30. Forever if she only makes minimum payments.

Just like her credit cards.

Her last boyfriend and her best friend ended up together, accelerating Jane’s slow decent into desperation. This desperation led to binging and partying, and once that lost its appeal depression moved in and made itself comfortable in her mind.

Jane is heavy. Eating and drinking helped to make her feel better, but only while indulging. Feeling full had no power over the emptiness she feels inside anymore. There were other lovers. Sex was an escape, like food another temporary distraction from her joyless life. But not anymore, she is miserable and she looks it, and seems to have lost interest in everything anyway.

Jane’s depression affected her ability to care for herself and her job. She got laid off.

With no close friends and her family estranged, she was suddenly alone, feeling isolated, questioning her value, the value of her life.

She started thinking about ending her life. Quick little thoughts that she pushed away at first, then allowed to linger, and before long she was thinking about how she would do it.

Would she leave a note? Does she have to explain anything to anyone? Would anyone care? Where are they anyway. They all deserted her.

She cannot imagine cutting herself, and falling might not kill her instantly and she is done with suffering. She can use pills but all she has is over the counter stuff that will only make her sick, and she is sick of feeling like shit. She doesn’t own a gun, and she has no idea how you drown yourself in a bathtub. Hanging is risky too, how can she be sure it works and not just leave her with injuries.

Days went by, and Jane’s mind was no longer occupied with self loathing, but actively planning suicide.

Jane decided on asphyxiation.

She wrote a note, saying goodbye to her parents, telling Susan and Kyle to fuck off.

She sat on her unmade bed, fumbled with the cable tie she bought at a local convenience store. She put it around her neck and pulled it tight, holding the free end in a closed fist. She sighed heavily, a tear running down her cheek, and jerked the end of the cable tie as hard as she could. It ratcheted down with ease, designed to put immense clamping force on pipes it had no trouble cutting off the blood supply to her brain.

A few seconds later Jane collapsed on her side, unconscious. Minutes later her heart stopped. Blood trickling from nose and ears, her head and neck turning purple. She dies with her eyes open, her pretty blue irises eclipsed by dilated pupils.

Jane is eventually discovered. Her suicide shocked all who knew her. ‘We should have noticed’ they whispered to each other, each blaming themselves for not being there, not caring enough, secretly concerned about how they might have contributed to Jane’s demise.

Jane becomes another soul counted and added to that year’s suicide statistic. She is eventually forgotten, but the numbers continue to grow.

Things I did not know about this leading cause of death:

On average in the USA alone 50 thousand people commit suicide each year. Men are 4 times more likely to commit suicide, often violently using a gun. 50% of suicides are committed with a gun.

Then this shocking set of numbers: 12 million people have suicidal thoughts, 4 million reach the stage of planning the act, 2 million attempt suicide. 37% of these are younger than 30. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for ages 15 to 29.

We need to pay attention to the mental health of ourselves and our loved ones. Depression is not something to be ashamed off, it has to be recognized and treated.

Do not internalize it, do not think it will heal by itself, do not risk life! Talk to someone!